If You Only Knew
by alliegirl4life
Summary: Inspired by the lyrics of Shinedown's "If You Only Knew." Bret Hart struggles with the memory of a certain somebody. SLASH implied! Please read and review!


Author's Note: This is just a simple song fic idea; nothing more, nothing less

**Author's Note: This is just a simple song fic idea; nothing more, nothing less. I'm only testing a simple, crazy idea of mine. For those daring enough to read, hope you enjoy this for whatever its worth!**

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**Title: "If You Only Knew."  
Author: Alliegirl4life  
Character(s): Bret Hart with mentions of Shawn Michaels.  
Warnings: Slash.  
Notes of Interest: This story is from Bret's Point-of-View. Also, the lyrics come from the song, "If ****You Only Knew," by Shinedown. Check the song out sometime!  
Disclaimers: I don't own anyone or any of the lyrics featured in this story. I simply own the story idea itself, that's all.  
Hope you Enjoy!**

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"**If You**** Only Knew."**

I sit down upon my bed as several thoughts continue to bombard my mind. All of which seem to focus on one particular somebody: HIM. He is all I seem to think about anymore. Day and night, his image never seems to leave my mind.

It's starting to drive me insane.

_If you only knew  
I'm hanging by a thread.  
_  
I know I'm supposed to hate him. Hell, that's what I've been telling the world ever since the incident in Montreal. But in all honesty, I'm starting to second-guess my feelings towards him, towards the situation between him and me.

_The web I spin for you  
If only you knew.  
_  
Even though I really shouldn't be.

God, what is wrong with me? Am I really going crazy? Am I insane enough to believe that I'm...No, I can't be. I can't be falling for the guy.

Am I?

No, it's impossible. But then I glimpse at the photo setting upon the nightstand next to me and feel the all-too familiar sensation of a lump in my throat; the sensation that could only come from the feeling of sadness. It's a simple photo, one that I barely look at anymore; but damn, whenever I do look at it, it brings back so many memories. And this time is no exception to the rule. I almost miss him.

_I'd sacrifice my beating heart  
Before I'd lose you._

As I continue to stare at the photograph, I suddenly feel regret for what had happened between the two of us. Even though things were supposed to remain the same between him and I, circumstances and life itself took its toll, and here I find myself, looking back on it all.

Hell, I remember all of the letters he had sent me right after I left the business for good. I wonder if I still have them, in fact.

Pondering the possibility, I reach for the drawer knob and pull the drawer open; only to find that I do indeed still have the letters that he had sent me.

_I still hold onto the letters you returned.  
I swear I've lived and learned._

I skim through the contents of the first of three letters, and am quite surprised by what I read:

"_**Dear Bret,**_

I don't really know what else I can say that will make you believe me. I am telling you the truth about what happened. I had to do it, Bret, you know that as well as I do. I am still sorry for having lied to you, but I am not sorry for having done what I did. I was only doing what was asked of me.

The fact still remains that my feelings for you have not changed. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for you, can I? I wish you would see it from my perspective, Bret. I wish that I could show you how I truly feel about you, about us; but you don't want anything to do with me. At least, that's what you told me right before you walked out the back doors of the arena in Montreal.

So, what else am I supposed to do other than write to you? You refuse to listen, but here I am, still writing like the fool I am. Who knew that coming out of the closet can do so much damage to a potential friendship? Better yet, who knew that you'd turn your back when I needed you the most? I certainly didn't, that's for sure. But what do I know, right? I'm still the hick from Texas, after all, so my thoughts and feelings don't matter to you. But they matter to me, Bret.

I only wish you would finally realize that and write me back.

Forever Yours,  
Shawn Michaels. "  
  
Having read the letter, I glance up at the clock and nearly scream; there is no way that that much time has passed since I opened this letter!

_It's 4:03, and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me...  
_  
I finally put the first letter away and place the other two upon the top of the nightstand before turning off the lamp once and for all. Time to finally get some sleep.

_...I toss and turn like the sea.  
If I drown tonight  
Bring me back to life..._

But I can't sleep. My mind continues to race with thoughts as I simply lay there in complete silence. Who knew that a small letter could keep me from getting any sleep?

_Breathe your breath in me...  
_  
Okay, so I admit it; I did have feelings for him back when we were feuding with each other. Maybe those same feelings exist deep down. I guess I just haven't thought about it until now.

_The only thing that I  
Still believe in is you  
If you only knew.  
_  
As I allow the many thoughts to plague my mind, I suddenly reminisce all of the things I had said to him, and I begin feeling more regretful than before.

_If you only knew  
How many times I  
Counted all the words  
That went wrong..._

Damn it! Why can't I simply forget about him, forget the past and move on with my life? That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Well, I wish it was that simple.

_...If you only knew  
How I refuse to let you go  
Even when you're gone._

But it isn't. It's never that simple, though I wish it was. God, what I would give to forget his face for once!

But then again, if that was possible, then I'd have no pleasant memories left; only regrets.

If only he knew how I truly feel about him. If only those letters I had sent had arrived to their destination; but they hadn't. They had been returned to me soon after I had mailed them out. Turns out, I had the wrong mailing address. I never did get the updated address, but I guess it was meant to be that way. I will admit one other thing, now that I'm thinking about it: I don't regret my past with him.

_I don't regret any days I spend  
Nights we shared  
Or letters that I sent.  
_  
I only regret how things turned out between the two of us.

**The End**


End file.
